Remembering a Love Forgotten

I don’t always participate in these types of challenges, but this Throwback Thursday First Heartbreak prompt was too tempting to ignore, so here goes…

1. How old were you when you had your first heartbreak?

Seventeen.

2. Who broke your heart—first names only?

Nope, not doing it. His name is too unique. And I know he’s read my blog before (because he told me so), which means his wife has read my blog before (because she doesn’t trust him no farther than she can throw him), and there may have been some overlap between when we “officially” broke up and when they “officially” started dating, and she may have called my phone and left a threatening message once before…

All in all, I have no tolerance for that kind of drama in my life anymore, so he shall remain nameless.

3. Do you remember how the breakup happened?

We’d broken up and gotten back together so many times over the course of almost 4 years I’ve lost count. But the first time was through text. And the last time was through text. Matter fact, I think all of our breakups were through text.

4. Did you have a ring or token of your love? Did you return it?

I still have a necklace he gave me for my birthday—well, the pendant; the chain broke years ago. I don’t keep it because he gave it to me. I keep it because I like the necklace.

5. Did you think this was true love?

I don’t think I ever once referred to him as my true love. The person I’m with now—who apparently uses a burner account to follow my blog, and I still haven’t figured out which one of my followers he is—is my true love.

He was my first love though.

6. Did you play any sad songs to soothe the pain? If so, do you remember the name of the song?

Tinashe’s In Case We Die mixtape was pretty much the soundtrack to our roller coaster relationship for me. From beginning to end, every single song painted a snapshot picture of that particular scene in time—pre-getting together, after getting together, post-first breakup, getting back together, post-second breakup, etc.—evoking a different emotion each time. Every. Single. Song. It was as if she was in my head when she wrote them.

The songs I always had on repeat were “The Last Night on Earth,” “That,” “Boss,” “I Tried,” “This Feeling,” “Stumble,” “Crossing the Cosmos,” “Biding My Time,” and “Chainless.” “Stumble” was hands down my favorite. The lyrics were a perfect description of our constant back and forth cycle, nothing ever changing.

If you’d like to re-experience that tumultuous relationship with me, here’s the playlist (“Stumble” is track 10, by the way).

7. Were your parents sympathetic?

Nope. Not in the slightest. They were glad to finally be rid of him.

8. How long did it take you to get over it all?

It wasn’t until he got married that I finally decided to let go of the possibility of getting back together for the millionth time. He was never good for me, but it took me several years to realize that and my worth. He still tried to hang on to a friendship, but like I said, his wife is petty, and I have no tolerance, so I completely cut them off.

(Side note: A song that quickly became my anthem in the “post-final breakup, let’s be friends but not tell my wife” stage was Dua Lipa’s “New Rules.”)

I still write stories about that time in my life, though. The sadistic writer in me is always drawing inspiration from my past hurt. Just call me fiction writing’s Taylor Swift. None of my exes are safe. And I’m sure my current love has recognized himself in some of my stories too.

9. Do you remember this person fondly or is it someone you prefer to forget?

I have some fond memories, others not so pleasant, and one that will forever haunt me no matter how hard I try to forget…

10. After all was said and done, was it for the best or did you remain longing for a love lost?

Despite some of the questionable decisions the characters in my stories make, I have 100% moved on with my life. I ain’t crying over that ***** no more. 😛

—Nortina