Mexican Food & Viagra

“These toilets do not flush automatically. Please turn around and flush your shit before you exit the stall, nasty bitches.”

That was the note I left on the door of the ladies’ bathroom at Chipotle Grill the day I was fired. I guess I asked for it. The PG-13 language may have been unnecessary, but no one needs a reminder that Mexican food speeds up your bowel movement, especially the girl who’s been stuck doing clean-up duty ever since she laughed at the store manager in bed.

Javier had been looking for a reason to get rid of me for the past two months. When he asked me out, he claimed he knew how to separate business and pleasure. Maybe he could, but after our unsuccessful date, seeing my face was a constant reminder that he wasn’t as youthful and dynamic as he once was, and the permanent image of a limp noodle dangling in front of my face forced me to burst into a fit of giggles every time he walked by. He hated me. I knew it. I could see it in the smirk on his face when he told me to leave and never come back, not even to eat.

One day, pride will drive him to start taking Viagra, or whatever other male enhancement drugs available these days. If that happens, I feel sorry for the girl who will eventually fall victim to his advances (always an ass grab during the lunch rush) and sleep with him after the first date (always a cheesy movie after dinner at another Chipotle). I had sex with a guy who popped a Viagra pill once. He said he only took it because he was curious to see what would happen, but we both knew the true reason was that he wasn’t good enough in bed to keep me, and he’d hoped the drug would help. It did, for about five minutes, then he couldn’t stop. I think the warning, “please see a doctor if your erection lasts longer than four hours,” is a message more so for the woman involved than it is for the man taking the pill.

This is what my life has come to.  Getting fired from a menial job at a fast food Mexican restaurant, and sex with men who lack physical confidence and stamina and need a pharmaceutical boost to assist them. The sad thing is I’m not ashamed at all. I just hope those nasty bitches got my note.

© 2015 Nortina Simmons